I had debated all day about dressing up and finally went to the store, pawed through the remaining costumes, found something acceptable and went home and "doctored" it up.
I saw the sneer on your face when we came in the room. It was a sexy costume - not a dowdy grandmothers costume. I was showing some leg and my shoulders BUT I was appropriately covered. And it was an adult party Halloween for the love of God. The sneer became whispers and even a snide comment was directed my way.
Just so you know, my costume was for me and my significant other. We intended to have fun that night. I'm sorry if it bothered you. Without knowing you, my assumption is that you were jealous. But know, without question, my intention in putting on that costume was never to make anyone feel bad.
Here are some things I'd like you to know about me though:
If you had taken the time to introduce yourself and had a conversation with me, you would have found out that I am a lovely person, a "people" collector if you will. I pride myself on having friends of all ages from every walk of life. I love meeting new people and finding kindred spirits. I want to hear about your kids, your garden and your dog.
You would have found out that I'm a single mother with all the stretch marks, c-section scars, droopy boobs, wrinkles and gray hairs that go with it. I also am a grandmother. I would have told you that I work full time and am taking 12 credit hours at a local college this semester. I maintain a home for myself and my children - by myself. That I have the energy and inclination to get dressed up for Halloween is a feat in and of itself.
What probably wouldn't have come up was that when I was a teenager, I was shy and insecure. I did everything possible to NOT get any attention. I hated my body. All the other girls had boobs and curves - me, not so much. I was a stick. I had flat, straight hair that I could never do anything with. I was awkward, uncoordinated and lacking in self esteem.
It all changed when I gave birth to my first child. Physically, I did a 180 - boobs and curves appeared and even my hair changed.
But most importantly, I now had this little girl who needed a female role model. I vowed to never once complained about my body. The extra weight, stretch marks and droopy boobs were and are all reminders of the magnificent lives I brought into this world. I hope you feel that way about your body.
I think I look pretty good for an almost 50 year old woman. My body isn't perfect but its MINE. The only one I'll get. It houses my soul. I try very hard to take care of it. And I will dress it how I see fit.
I eat relatively well and, I want to stress this, MINIMALLY work out. I hate sweating. I'm not obsessive about it - I'm cognisant of it - I'm active - I make myself move because I want to be around to see my great grandchildren.
I wish I had been able to hear about your children. I would have liked to have exchanged phone numbers. I would have been thrilled to have walked away with a new friend.
It is difficult enough being a woman without us tearing each other down. We need to find a way to lift each other up.
I walked away from our brief interaction feeling bad. As though I did something wrong.
I wish nothing but peace, love and happiness for you. I have been sending healing thoughts your way.