I first and foremost want to apologize for my absence. This has been one of the most difficult months of my life. My heart is filled with absolute sadness.
The man that I have loved (for many years) and I have decided to part ways. He is a narcissist and I was duped. I know ultimately, this is for the best. We are COMPLETE opposites and while opposites do attract, they also can, and generally do, implode.
When I say complete opposites I mean: he smokes weed, I do not; he doesn't work, I do; he sleeps until 11:00AM, I'm up at 6:30AM; he believes respect is obligatory, I believe its earned; he thinks he gets points because "he never even cheated on me" and and I think there simply are no words for that statement. Ultimately, he stole from me and that was the last straw.
And honestly, the list goes on and on. I saw the writing on the wall a long time ago and ignored it. I wanted to avoid the "icky" part of breaking up - the painful, gut wrenching, ache that you feel when you hurt.
Over past 5 years I have lost both of my parents, divorced my husband of 2o-some years, watched my daughter go through a horrible addiction and took custody of my grandson. All while working and raising my other children. I couldn't stand the thought of losing One. More. Person.
But now I have.
I'm on the other side of the "icky" part, still feeling the sting but not crying every 20 minutes. It just sucks.
I am blessed with great kids, great friends and family and a strong will to survive - which I will.
For all of you struggling in a relationship, life is short. Do what you need to do to be happy. Even if that means in the short run, you have to be uncomfortable. Every day I feel a little bit better and stronger.
In the meantime, I will simply trust that this is what I must do. That the universe knows what's best. It's a process.
Peace and Love.
I know, I know, its 20 degrees out. But I wanted to post this as an example of something I do for myself (when its a tad warmer). To me, lying in a hammock is as luxurious as taking a bubble bath or getting a massage. And being able to have this view is a bonus!
First, you need to decide that it's ok to take some time for yourself. It will feel uncomfortable - push through that feeling. You deserve some "me time". We all do. It took me a long time to realize and accept that it was ok. I've actually gotten rather good at it!
So what five things can you do for yourself right now that don't cost a mint and won't take you hours?
#1. Take a bath
Seems simple enough but what I really mean is, send the kids with your husband, turn on some music, light some candles, put a cup of epsom salt and 2 drops of lavendar oil in the tub and go soak. If you don't want to listen to music, pick up a book and start reading. You need to spend some time in the tub and really, REALLY relax.
#2. Read a book
Ok, you can't sneak away to the tub. Grab a book and head to your bedroom. Or carry a book with you to work and find a place to read for 20 to 30 minutes a day. Losing yourself in a story is a great way to destress. My favorite indulgence these days is listening to audiobooks. Check out www.audible.com to see what they have. I think you'll be surprised. I find that there are times when I can't silence my mind enough to focus on reading a book but listening to a book is a whole different experience.
Do you enjoy crafting but never have the time to indulge in it? I keep a skein of yarn, a pattern and a crochet hook on my night stand. The satisfaction of making progress on a project is emence even if it is slight progress. I love to crochet - as a matter of fact, I have a yarn addiction. I also love to sew but my sewing machine is too big for my night stand! ;) JoAnn Fabric, Craftsy and Pinterest have great, free projects.
#4. Go shopping
ALONE. Enough said. Ok - not enough. Go somewhere other than Walmart or the grocery store. Go to a craft store or that little gift shop you don't dare to take the kids in. Wander around - you don't have to buy anything - just enjoy yourself.
#5. Purchase an exercise video (and actually use it)
It doesn't have to be a complicated workout video. You need something to get your body moving. A beginner yoga video or a stretching video. Set your alarm 15 minutes earlier and get up a couple of times a week to do the video.
The bottom line is this: You are important. You do a ton of things for everyone else every day without complaint. You run yourself ragged. Take some time this weekend and do one thing for yourself. It will invigorate you. At first, it will really be uncomfortable taking the time away from everyone else. Just push through the feeling and sink into the tub of water. It will be fine - it will be better than fine - IT WILL BE FANTASTIC!
Happy Friday Soul Sisters!!!!